She wouldn’t and couldn’t “have anything” – her life was a confusing mess, and in her view, anyone that messes their life up this much doesn’t deserve anything until they get their shit straightened out.
She’d once again left a job to “just clear her head,” confident that she just needed a few months off.
Two months passed, but her head still hadn’t cleared and her bank account was rapidly declining. She was scared to repeat her failures and dissatisfaction and the thought of getting another job she hated paralyzed her. Her life smelled and looked and tasted the same, so how could anything different come out of that?
The way she saw it: She was jobless, confused and obviously completely incapable. Life was serious and if something didn’t seriously change, she’d be living in extreme poverty in about three months.
Out of desperation, she sought career help. One day she found herself completing “stem sentences.” The same beginning, but a new ending each time with whatever came to mind.
“If I was 10% more self-significant I would … (long pause as nothing came to mind for awhile) … buy myself flowers.”
This surprised her. Flowers? How stupid is that? How was that going to help her to find work? Besides, flowers die and then that’s just money down the drain. Money needed for rent and food.
Oh, but how the thought of a bouquet of flowers called to her. She couldn’t though …
On the way home, she stopped at the flower shop that she walked by every day. The one that she was always trying to ignore. She felt led.
The bouquet she picked had a white rose and green and purple foliage. It was love at first sight and it wasn’t as expensive as she thought it was going to be. She wondered why she had told herself that flowers were expensive.
Every day, before the flowers wilted to a bouquet of dead beauty, she appreciated their presence and became more present herself. Every day that passed, she would look at them and sigh in contentment. She always noticed them when she was around them. She felt drawn to them. She would gaze at them and just breathe.
It was the first time she had consciously brought something into her life that was meaningful to her. And not something that was less than what she actually wanted. And certainly not something that she felt guilty about having because she hadn’t ever selected anything with so much presence.
The “story” that she didn’t deserve [something sweet and good] in her life died just a little the day that she bought herself flowers. A fundamental shift.
A month later she bought a suit at full price. And she paid to get some alterations done so it actually fit. She had never bought any clothing that wasn’t on sale and nothing she owned fit her all that well. Until now.
Two weeks later she got a job that was part-time with full-time pay. A job where she was the only candidate ever considered.
“Wow,” she thought, “Maybe Life thinks I deserve more than I think I do.”
The “story” that she didn’t deserve [clothes and a job that fit her] died just a little more that day.
A year later she ended a six year relationship with her boyfriend. Broke off their engagement. It was bittersweet.
He missed who she used to be. She wanted to love him the way he was, but as she was and not who she used to be.
The “story” that she didn’t deserve [the beauty of a bond with someone to create with] died just a little more that day.
Five years have passed. She’s in a relationship with someone she reveres as the “ultimate playmate.” They run their own business together. She has a dog – her writing friend. She walks in the woods and is writing the Bliss Kit to share with you.
Surprise. It’s me. The “story” that I don’t deserve to be blissful is dead.
My new story is: I am blissful.
Click to tweet it: “Do you deserve your life?”
Click to tweet it: “Find your career bliss in a new story.”
One of the features of the Bliss Kit is story-telling. It brings concepts home. Ties them together. Validates experience. Creates options that were previously unavailable to us simply because they were once outside of our awareness.
Our stories and story-telling are invaluable tools and they’re just one of the many components that make the Bliss Kit simply profound. Launch day is days away. Claim your own bliss and grab a complete Bliss Kit on April 17.
Where you fuel, re-tool and attune your imagination. Get your soul to work (on purpose). Ruthless compassion. Fierce gentleness. Sassy wisdom. And oodles of insight.
4 responses to “do you deserve your life?”
Um. Sitting on the bus trying not to cry. Thank you for your (and my) story.
Hugs & bliss,
Alyson! I’m really touched that you shared this. It goes to show how at our core, we are more alike than different. Wishing you bliss!
This is a really timeless wisdom. When you open up to get yourself things you desire, you receive the grace. This is what the secret is. You receive grace when you allow it to come to you.
I know this story for myself. I used to stay at home all day long, not even going out. Then one day, I started out different. I went shopping, explored the malls, appreciated each moment and wow,..I started receiving grace. It works this way. You’re so right.
Hi Jaky, Thank you for your insight. Grace is something that we struggle to allow in our lives for sure. I think it’s because we’re afraid often that we’re alone or that no one wants for us what we truly want for ourselves. We stand in our own way so much.