When I put my child into a situation I check my deathometer, take in all of the known variables around me and see if the situation has raised the likelihood of my child dying. When my oldest was 18 months old, I clearly remember breaking down in tears for fear I would lose him. They always like to be with their children. I don't know that I will want to go on. Fear of snapping your child or pet’s neck. I give thanks that this feeling brings me right into the moment to appreciate everything I have instead of others I see letting life pass them by. But since you rarely hear any good news and since reading about the bad stuff only contributes to my fears, I've decided to cut it all out! Great expectations. Where does fear of abandonment come from? Ask yourself, “What am I scared of losing?” This may seem like an obvious question, but I’ve learned … Use the actual numbers backed by facts and you'll find that the odds of your kid being killed is quite low. These losses and traumas can be dramatic, like the death of a loved one, neglect, or emotional and physical abuse. We lost our 5th child, Emily , whe Just in the past couple of weeks I have been hit again and feel like I'm right back to square one. Your kid could get hit by a stray bullet or you get side-swipped going through an intersection and never know it's coming. if you stay cooped up in fear, you and your child may suffer. A fear of abandonment is a form of anxiety. I still worry about him, of course, and still sometimes peek in on him at night, to make sure he's breathing, but the last couple of years have made a big difference for me. When a doctor reassures you that you don't have an illness or a test shows you're healthy, it doesn't relieve your nervousness. Mostly, talk to your husband! I truly have some kind of paranoia that I am going to lose my son. They want their child to be happy on his own, yet they live in fear of not doing enough to help their child get there. if you stay cooped up in fear, you and your child may suffer. What do I need to know as a single parent? When I feel the vulnerability I try now to recognise it & understand it stemmed from the beautiful love I feel. It has gotten to the point where I can't stop my mind from creating these awful scenarios. If you read a news story about a disease, you start worrying that you have it. When she was born i was constantly worried about sids and people dropping her. When my brain goes to that scary place, I find getting some fresh air and seeing the world moving can be a game changer. Many marriages fall apart after losing a child. This constant fear of impending doom. You find yourself constantly seeking health information online. Fear of choking your baby or partner to death. I find solace in statistics. Is your child's fidgeting and inattention just normal childhood behavior, or could it be attention deficit hyperactivity disorder? But when constant worries disrupt your child’s day-to-day life, that’s cause for concern. Car accidents bother me now. Their fears are reflected in their dreams where they see themselves unable to communicate with you in their death. Thinking Realistically about Death Recognize that death-related fears are normal. I've since had another son, he's just a baby, and I have fears sometimes but I can't let it paralyze me or ruin his quality of life. I never used to think about death. I posted this question about three years ago. It can be referred to as anxiety or fear over your child possibly dying, outliving your children, or fear of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) in infants. You need to comfort your children and try to spend as much time as you can with them to ensure your love and constant support to them. Some anxiety is normal. If your brain starts drifting off into "what-if" land try re-focusing on thinking about the things you could do in the future together.. You can't control everything that happens in this world so just appreciate the time you have. Do your best and LOVE every second that you get. While I'm not a doctor, I would not classify as checking one your children while they're ill or napping … When i let someone else take control, the fears kick in that something will happen. I'm a father who loves his son more than life itself. In fact we do it so often we become numb to how effing dangerous it really is. They may cry, scream, or refuse to let go when a … Fear of pushing or throwing someone off a building or other high place. IT COULD HAPPEN. Is it just a case of that I love him so much I couldn't bare to be without him. I have served in Iraq and Afghan and never cared for my own life, but I look at my son everyday and he makes my heart melt. Work on your marriage, fight for it! Almost daily the deathometer goes up significantly by one thing most of us do everyday, driving a car. The Fear: I'm afraid my child won't get the education and opportunities she needs to reach her potential. This surprised us, given that we polled the parents of relatively young children. The fear is so unbearable, I don't know how to cope with this.. To all of the parents that suffer with constant fears and anxiety of their child dying or getting taken away just know you are not alone. Even though my mind occasionally wanders into the darkness of the fear of losing another, I know I don’t belong there. I am terrified that my 'fear' is a premonition, and that I should get him checked out for things like leukemia and other horrible diseases that can be treated if caught early enough, but how do you approach your pediatrician with those requests? Somehow I managed to shake these horrible feelings. In the situation where a child loses his or her parent early on, it can have a lifetime effect of anxiety over the possibility of losing anyone else. The #1 app for tracking pregnancy & baby day by day – plus advice, guidance, and valuable tools. Then there are the kids. And since I've experienced that tragedy, my time with this second child is even sweeter. You all are not alone. Fear of intentionally poisoning someone (e.g., putting rat poison into your loved one’s food). Over the years, I have had many people tell me that losing a child is their worst nightmare and they just cannot imagine living through such horror. I may meditate or breath deeply. Privacy Policy. If anything ever happens to him, I don't know how I will go on. Do NOT waste your days playing the "what-if" game. ACCEPT IT. I have a 2.5 year old and a baby on the way. How would you describe your life as a mom in just six words? Her dad takes her shopping or to get food and the whole time im wondering if im going to see her again. If your child’s fear is usually fleeting and, once comforted, he or she is soon able to return to normal activities again, there is no reason to suspect that your child is excessively fearful. Do your best to protect them but you can't shield them from everything in life (fast cars, bullets, gangs, flood, meteorites, sharp toys, choking hazards, etc.). When my brain goes to that scary place, I find getting some fresh air and seeing the world moving can be a game changer. My answer to them is not to live in a world of fear. Thank you for being so honest. I try to tell myself that it is not healthy to live in this constant state of fear, but I can't seem to shake it. Should I have my children talk, visit their father in jail? On occasion, we also use cookies to collect information from our toddlers, but that’s a totally different thing. Alexis Lesa describes her constant fears of losing her husband or children while she had postpartum anxiety. This is by no means an easy situation. It often begins in childhood when a child experiences a traumatic loss. Thank you for reading this........ Hello everyone. According to one study, 43% of children between ages 6 and 12 had many fears and concerns. Understand what happened was no ones fault and that you did everything a caring parent would have done. Kids bonk. Thats now that she is three. I actually also have formed an internal sort of mental visualization based on this I call the "Deathometer". 18 Warning Signs Your Child May Have ADHD. My mum lost my brother when I was almost two so a loss in your family definitely can contribute. I remember that I believe everything is perfect. Rest assured, if your loved one has an anxiety disorder, it’s probably there. We use cookies to collect information from your browser to personalize content and perform site analytics. With my son, I daily worry that something horrible is going to happen. Abandonment issues arise when an individual has a strong fear of losing loved ones. The child itself could also be yourself, your own child or a divine child. Your Child’s Anxiety: When to Worry, When to Relax. I agree. I have recently decided to stop watching news tv, reading newspapers. As someone who has lived what many just fear, my advice is to soak your babies in and live happily with them. Is it normal to feel guilty about having a second child? I don't know, but my son is 3yrs old and I also live under an overwhelming fear that he will die. I live in this constant fear of losing my dad, my mom n my brother. The fear was so real and the pain of it felt unbearable. It feels great to know others feel this way too. I take a few steps back into the love & appreciate my sensitive heart all cracked open & vulnerable. “The first year after losing a younger child, a parent is at an increased risk for suicide and everything from major depression to complicated grief,” Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist at the NY Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine, told Fatherly. I'm glad I didn't spend his short life in fear and gave him awesome experiences while he was here. I also realise that loving our precious babies so much makes us wonderful parents butalso makes us feel vulnerable to losing that. I still wake up several times/night, every night, to make sure he is breathing. Depression, anger, frustration and other painful emotions are normal and to be expected. Anything could happen. Especially the panic that you feel inside even after awakening. We never saw it coming, he was healthy and happy. I have to protect her constantly. Anxiety is its own distorted reality. He is everything to me. Some children … This was the top fear of the parents in our survey. Anyway, I know this is an old thread...but if anyone is reading and going through the same things...this book might be worth a read...Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts. Something to point out is that the term phobia implies an irrational fear that somehow distresses or impairs you. 1. Thanks :). Hope everyone else manages to find peace as well. Conclusion A fear of darkness, particularly being left alone in the dark, is one of the most common fears in this age group. I may be annoyingly cautious, but i relate to all of you that hv said i cant go on without her. I have searched the internet buy only see mums suffer with this. Just as with any death and loss of a child, you are likely to experience some of the more common symptoms of grief — you may go into shock or even deny that your baby has died. This is by no means an easy situation. If it doesn't make me happier...don't read it It also can promote a fear of abandonment. I have had a bad habit of almost seeking out terrible stories! I've sought help from a professional & have found this to help too. Leaders should also show of vulnerability and humanity, especially in response to the extra level of stress and burn-out from fear of losing your job, and the extra layer of complexity in maintaining work productivity, distance learning demands of children, and caring for family members who may be at high risk for COVID-19. ... My fear of losing someone I love is centered around my parents. Sometimes I get so worked up (even though nothing has happened)I have to go and try to calm myself down. It was to the point where I was maybe getting 3 hours of sleep or sometimes none because I was so overwhelmed with grief. Sometimes life events don't occur by our timeline. How do I move forward? As hard as it is to accept, this is part of Gods plan. Kids scrape and hit their teeth and tumble into the water. But none of what I felt that day could have prepared me for what it was really like to lose a child. Listen to Your Child . Its sad because i know my intentions are solely good, i wish i could relax but it does feel like a warning i have to listen to. Listen to what your child has to say without minimizing their feelings or telling them that they don't need to worry about death. Visit our Privacy Policy for more info. Kids fall. Me personally, i do have anxiety but after having my daughter its like it turned to extreme paranoia and control. As a teenager, I thought I was untouchable, invincible, like many teenagers are apt to do. When they fall, I immediately assume a bone has snapped, those skinny, tiny bones that are in reality so very strong. This dream gives us a glimpse of how much love the feel for our children. I just wanted to post an update. As others have said anything can happen, and we are all going to die. I will watch videos of my daughter and can't help but feel like this is all I will have of her someday and I just break down. Your first child may look to you constantly for comfort or encouragement, while your second may need nothing of the sort, preferring to forge ahead on his own. Evidence supports the connection between fear of losing control and behaviors that are often characteristic of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Weither we have a disorder or just to much love, these fears definitely take a toll on our lives and our health, as well as our partners. I give thanks to the universe or God or whatever magnificence made us. If you concealed losing your child in the dream it can indicate that you are confused and anxious about something in waking life. Though it can be tempting to ignore the topic in the hopes that it will go away, it's important to talk to your child about their fears surrounding death. Fear of … If you watch the "news" you'll only see murder and debauchery because that sells ads (for pills and investments). I can now find some purpose & gratitude for the anxiety instead of slipping into fear. Hi Steven I think this is a topic that really needs looking into. Some children … All fathers and mothers in the world love their children. Fear of abandonment in children It’s absolutely normal for babies and toddlers to go through a separation anxiety stage. I have had 2 miscarriages and Winni was right there, she was my therapy dog. It changes the way your mind processes information, so that you experience the symptoms of fear when there is no fear around, negative thinking, overthinking, and the tendency for your mind to notice cues that match your psychological expectations. I have to give him as good a life as I gave my first son. 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Has happened ) I have to go and try to calm myself down personalize content and perform site analytics common. % of children between ages 6 and 12 had many fears and concerns him... In a world of fear cause them to feel insecure and distrusting of the,. I actually also have formed an internal sort of mental visualization based on I! Odds of your kid being killed is quite low childhood when a child experiences a traumatic.. Wondering if im going to lose a constant fear of losing my child experiences a traumatic loss depression, anger, frustration and other emotions!