burning question: what’s one dumb thing you used to believe in?

The laws that we create for ourselves lurk in the shadows of our periphery and dictate our follies. We test both might and fright to live by them.

It’s the imagined prison that prevents the living of fantastical lives in harmony with your true self, your true love and your true work.

At one point in time, the verifiable law I was governed by was that life lived in a certain order created happiness.

Steps to happiness:

Grow up (chronologically speaking).

Finish high school.

Get a university degree.

Meet that someone special.

Find a job you can do.

Get married.

Have children.

Be happy.

Then there’s a space of time for hobbies and interests.

And wait for it … then you die.

And – don’t you dare mess with the order.

You were not to find someone to love before you are educated.

And don’t you dare have children before you find someone to love.

You know what?

Fuck the order.

Striving with all my might to live in this order created more of a hell on earth than anything else I’ve ever encountered.

My cells rebelled.

I got as far as finish high school before “the order” was challenged. That still didn’t stop me from trying to live it for about another decade.

The beginning of the end of living the order:

I woke up in a hotel room in Seoul, South Korea. I was there to work ironically to help people select the next steps on their education or career path. It was dawn and the pillow was soaked from tears. I couldn’t stop crying.

I didn’t feel like myself. I didn’t even know who “myself” was. I ached to hear my own voice, but I couldn’t. I’d gone deaf and numb trying to live life in order.

It wasn’t right away, but it was soon. Soon time to do the work of reclaiming my inner space.
Heal. Let go. Surrender. Listen to my life. Heed the voice within.

The take away: Life can’t be lived in an order because there’s no expansion in that.

The lesson sticks tho’ because I struggled and paid with my own joy:

There is wisdom in living in harmony with the order of Life itself. To live from the pull rather than pushing.

make. believe. for real.
Where you fuel, re-tool and attune your imagination. Get your soul to work (on purpose). Ruthless compassion. Fierce gentleness. Sassy wisdom. And oodles of insight.

2 responses to “burning question: what’s one dumb thing you used to believe in?”

  1. Oh my gah, if I had to answer this question, I would have chosen this exact same path. (Are we cosmic twins, do you think?)

    We’re so naive when we’re younger, aren’t we? I thought life would be simple, but completely underestimated all it could throw at me.

    I never expected to find myself living in a different country. I didn’t expect to find true love with no chance of a family and only a miniscule possibility of hearing wedding bells. But, you know what? It doesn’t matter. I’ve discovered love is everything.

    Love is all. And everything else is flexible.

    Nikki ~

  2. I love “oh my gah”. :) To quote “Shit Girls Say”: “Twinsies!” For me, it was less about naivety and more about survival and fitting in with my family’s idea of there being an order to live and success. It makes for a lot of ‘unliving’ going on as your comment illustrates because there’s there so much more waiting to grab and hug you in life.

    Thanks for sharing your perspective.

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